tempus fugit

( THE LIST )

So Mith is doing drabble requests now, and it occurs to me that I haven't done them in a long-ass time. Or, well, I've tried, but it hasn't really worked. I come across a request that I can't quite make work and my contrariness kicks in and I refuse to let myself do anything else until I've solved that particular problem and I end up not doing anything.

Really, the smart thing to do would be to only write the prompts I find compelling, but I worry that not selecting someone's prompt will come across as "you're not good enough." Which is stupid, I know, and I am not obligated to write fannish things that don't compel me, and fandom is not my friggin' job, but. I swear, I am too neurotic to live sometimes.

Anyway, all of this is a long lead-in to another meme. Not drabble prompts, yet. In addition to everything mentioned above, I have to remember how to keep things short. And I also should not take drabble prompts during dress rehearsal week, with a huge-ass fic backlog, and a fuckton of reading to do, and midterms a lot closer than I want them to be.

But I will revisit an old favorite of mine, partially because I saw a_white_rain do something similar:

Give me a character I have written, and I will list three facts about them from my personal headcanon.

Again, any character I've written is good, and no fandoms are verboten, though characters I've written recently or written extensively will get better responses than those I haven't. You can ask about as many characters as you'd like, but wait for me to finish your first request before you make a second, just so I can keep a better handle on things.
You can ask for characters I haven't written if they're in fandoms you know I have a lot of headcanon for, but I reserve the right to ask you to pick someone else.

Have at it! This will be a good antidote to long-ass rehearsals.

(Also, I'd like to apologize to everyone reading on IJ for generally being pretty fail at replying to comments lately. Hetalia fandom is pretty much exclusively on LJ, and I've pretty much been in Hetaliamode since the beginning of December, so. I'm going to try to get back to everyone over the next few days.

...it's funny. About eighteen months ago, I was keeping my LJ around as a backup for my IJ. Now it's the opposite.)

So it is not tomorrow, and there is not inauguration post.

Ehe. Sorry. Am still waiting for the pictures to be developed, but the main points:
a) It was cold.
b) It was awesome.

Am moving back to apartment tomorrow. For a variety of reasons, I really don't feel ready for this semester at all -- the Financial Aid screwup last semester threw me off-track, and apparently I'm registered as a part-time student now, which I've since corrected but I need to fill out more paperwork and I'm not sure if I'm going to bother to sign up for a meal plan this semester, even. Also still don't know what I'm doing about certain classes; I really want to go for the Anthropology minor and I think I need to take Methods of Anthropological Research for that, but I'd be course overloading during a semester where I'm a) cast and b) looking for a job.

And I need that job. If I don't get a job this semester, I can't go to ACen. My refund check's coming back late as it is, so Katsucon's going to get interesting. I might have to dip into my savings, though I hope that doesn't become the case. Also I've barely glanced at my Latin this semester, and Hetalia and tournament hijacked me away from working on Ardent so I need to resume that again posthaste, and I'm trailing so far behind on obligations that it isn't even funny.

(I think I'm taking a break from request-based fic and ficlets, though. I just don't write well to people's specifications anymore, and I get unreasonably upset and stressed and unhappy when I try to. Need to stop treating fandom like a job, really, because it isn't, and scheduling myself to do things doesn't work and makes me feel terrible when I can't reach the goals I set for myself.)

I'm hoping to have fic up by tonight or tomorrow, though, and I think that will improve my mood a lot. Ultimately, so will being back in school, because I do very poorly with unstructured free time. I work best and get the most done when I'm doing too much at once. It may not be the most healthy way to go about things, but I'm used to it by now. (I might try to do that 15 pairings meme floating around, if I can think of fifteen pairings. I fail so hard at forming OTPs, seriously.)

In less whingy news, Suzaku is never allowed to drink Stargaritas again. Long story.

Also in less whingy news:

all_he_ever

A joint project between Linden, Mith, and myself. (pinstripesuit is our Minister of Propaganda.) In 1923, the Anglo-Japanese alliance was not dissolved. In 1956, a member of the Communist-Progressive Party won the American Presidential Election. These are the stories and artistic developments that created such a world.

...so how have you all been? Is our new President completely awesome or what?

So I got a 4.0 for fall semester. *grins* Am gratified. Was a little bit worried about my Playwriting grade, as I was not always extraordinarily punctual with everything, but it worked out, so yay.

Weekend was absolutely goddamn wonderful -- Mith was in the area visiting acielskadi and her boyfriend, both of whom are absolutely wonderful, so I got together with them on Saturday night. I have bruises. They are happy bruises.

In writing news:
a) So the finish-memento mori-by-the-end-of-January may or may not be feasible. *sigh* Several factors, really -- I want to prove to myself that yes, I can write something novella-length, but for reasons that I don't really want to get into in a public entry, writing Subaruzukamori hits home in ways I never expected it would. It's incredibly personal, incredibly vulnerable in a lot of ways, and getting into his headspace is almost a paralyzing experience. Hisoka's better because he at least gets angry, but it's still, well, kind of grueling. And I'm getting close to the point where I introduce the character responsible for all the unpleasantness, a character who I had to stop writing for a long time because of overidentification issues and other rather unhealthy behaviors associated therein.
I like the story. I'm still proud of the story. It's just brutal to write on a level that even the Hetalia stuff hasn't been.
Of course, now that I have posted this, watch me crank out the next chapter in a few days or something. Because my writerbrain, it is a contrary little thing.

b) Eternity: Written in the Stars. Guess who's going to be writing Suzaku Kururugi for about ten days straight?
I'm looking forward to it. Haven't written nearly enough of him, and I know that participating in Eternity will mean that I'm going to hit my goal of 1000 words a day and probably surpass it, given that I wrote 22000 words or so last time, and I was just learning the tournament ropes. I'm excited for this one, and I might even get some fun Geass ficlike things out of it. The intro gives me an excuse to finally work on Seven, anyway...
(Also, if I suddenly kind of stop posting fic for about ten days? That's why.)

c) Hetalia fandom makes me glad I obsessively save all my old class notes (which is more an aspect of my packrat tendencies than anything else, but still). Just stumbled across a whole folder of things on the Revolutionary War, and this will be useful. Oh yes oh yes.

Girlfriend got me a paid account, because she is best Mith ever. *snuuuug*

Staying up until five in the morning to cowrite some absolutely blisteringly hot stuff. Ohyes. I love writing America, I love writing him so much -- he comes from the same place as Zack Fair, and I've missed writing that kind of character.

And via Hetalia, having a fire lit under my ass for various other projects. I know how I want the last scene of Ardent to go now, and I know what I want the next Bandiverse story to be. (Because Sev might be, for all intents and purposes, a god in his own city, but he STILL has no idea how to deal with his ex-junkie boyfriend. It makes me happy.)

I plan on spending today in a writing frenzy. eee.

Also, though I am Photoshop-less at the moment (a situation which I intend to remedy as soon as possible), I did actually make a few icons that I really liked during the time when I was able to screw around with it, and I thought I'd share them. Just in case. The quality level varies -- the oldest icon on here is from about a year ago, when I was a lot less proficient in Photoshop than I am now, and it shows -- but if you see any you like, feel free to snag them. Just credit me, please. And don't hotlink. Hotlinking makes the baby Kamui cry.

Total Icon Count: 13
4 TB/X
1 Baccano!
1 Death Note
1 Digital Devil Saga
1 Code Geass
1 Sandman (from a base by liyu)
1 Battlestar Galactica
1 Utena
1 Final Fantasy VII
1 Bertolt Brecht

Teasers:

( click for the rest )

writingtime now.

As is probably apparent from the post yesterday, computer is deAIDSified. All my files are intact, I just need to get my programs back and find out where I put the CD that has the drivers for my sound card, because I miss watching movies on this thing.

Silly Jade.

Am sort of doing mass comment catchup now (which includes all those Object of Desire ficbits I never got around to writing, because I actually am in kind of a porning mood now and I have hours backstage where I will be sitting in the dark and doing NOTHING so therefore!), because I have been a Failpuel at talking to people. *headdesk*

Also ended up watching the first four episodes of Season Two of Stargate SG1. It is TV popcorn: buttery and kind of addictive but not terribly substantial. Still, it's fun, and I'm rather fond of Daniel Jackson, which should not be surprising to anyone. I may watch more later.
(I keep replacing "Gou'ald" with "Yeerk" in my head. Anyone else do that? shut up Animorphs is awesome.)

Oh, and apparently Tour of Duty is up for Best Tragedy at the Genesis Awards, which is pretty cool. Totally did not realize it until the mod contacted me through my account at the Pit -- and had not thought of the fic in months, really -- but still, quite flattering.
...man, I haven't written FFVII in what, a year? Almost.

Speaking of things surprising to people who are reading me:
What has surprised you the most about me (if anything) since joining my flist/"friending me"? Was anything completely unexpected or have I always fit the picture of me you have in your head?
I am very interested to hear the answers to this one, so go ahead and share. (Meme stolen from lots of people.)

So my computer has AIDS.

(And by "AIDS" I mean "the XPProtection2009 virus, which is an UTTER BITCH to eradicate from one's system." But AIDS is catchier, and since this virus effectively shuts down my immune system -- i.e. my antiviral software -- and makes lots and lots of copies of itself, I figure there are worse viral analogies.)

I'm in the midst of getting all my files off my hard drive -- thankfully, none of it's corrupted or anything -- and reformatting the damn thing, so I probably won't have full computer access until late tomorrow or earlyish on Sunday. So if you don't see me around, that's why. School computer labs are a week-ass panacea, since they close far too damned early.

aaaaaaaaand this had to happen when I was getting my write back. and before the eleven-hour tech rehearsal tomorrow in which I have virtually nothing to do. Woooo.

In more -- actually, I'm not sure how to describe it, exactly, but in other news, I've been sucked into Axis Power Hetalia. In a rather big oh-god-history-will-never-be-the-same way. I can't do porn for it, I don't think -- I think I'd lose what remaining self-respect I have if I did, because the way my mind works I am fine with the cannibal demon dubcon threesome porn with crossgenerational incest and hermaphrodites and dubiously-aged participants but countryporn is a line I will not cross. I never said it was logical. But gen? My lord, the possibilities are endless -- the Napoleonic Wars! America's rise to prominence in the world arena! Imperialism and how much sharper the abuses of power become with anthropomorphism! The Industrial Revolution! The Cold War! The United Kingdom watching America grow up and grow away and everything tangled up in that eeeeeee okay I might be taking this entirely too seriously, but dammit, rendering historical narrative this way is FUN.

TODAY'S WRITING LIST
I. Ardent scene iii.
II. memento mori chapter five.
III. That Minato thing which has moved in a completely opposite direction from what the KF prompt implied but which is nonetheless proving fun to write.
Also tweak the outline for the livelongnmarry fic which I will finish by the end of the month goddamnit.

research of the day: dactylic hexameter, eclectic Japanese music, popular cars in Japan in 2000, Yami no Matsuei volume 1, P3 game script

So lately, I keep on bouncing back and forth between "I am SO READY TO WRITE RIGHT NOW and I am going to do it until my fingers fall off" and "oh god too much to do I am never going to finish it all I have no more inspiration or drive or desire aaaagh." I think I am overwhelming myself by thinking in terms of Big Vast Projects I Must Finish, because then I'm daunted by the sheer magnitude of it all. I think I'm just going to try to set smaller goals for myself: write this much today, work on this much today, don't worry about the other stuff until it becomes pertinent.

And above all, self, do not let fandom feel like a job. It's okay if you don't have a new fic to post every week. You're in school, you're trying to keep up your GPA, and you're writing a fricking play. In verse. You don't have to do everything.

Really.

(I think I need to start an Overachievers Anonymous support group.)

I've always been in the habit of carrying a journal around with me everywhere, but now I'm getting into the habit of just writing in it randomly again, like I had to do during my senior year of high school as part of the literary arts program I was in. Things that aren't necessarily stories or aren't necessarily polished and perfect, just -- stuff. Just so I'm in the habit of doing it. Just so I'm not spending all this time staring at a blank page and fretting that everything I put on it has to be just right. Because my perfectionism is really what's killing my write, I think.

I might also start posting writing to-do lists for myself here -- not ones where I list every project that I'm working on, but ones with like three projects maximum on them. Breaking stuff down into manageable chunks.

TODAY'S WRITING LIST
1) Cultural Anthropology paper. Not optional.
2) Ardent, finishing scene ii or at least getting close to it. (Again, don't worry about making it perfect, you're going to have time to revise this before you submit it places. Just write it.)
3) Minato - music - songs defined his life for kinkfest. You know what you want to do with this. So go ahead and do it.

I think this will help. *crosses fingers*

Also, I did this meme a year ago, but I'm interested to see how the answers might have changed since then, especially since I'm no longer writing almost-all FFXII, almost all the time. And because I have so many new friends. (Hi guys!)
What do you think are the quote-unquote "trademarks" of the fiction that I write? What type of themes or characterization notes or quirks keep on manifesting in my writing? Essentially, what do you think is a stereotypically Puel way of writing fic?
(Fic tag is here, for reference.)

(I will also try to tell you what I think the trademarks of your fic are, if I've read enough to determine that -- if not, feel free to link me to your stuff so I can assess that for myself.)

Okay, day. Please don't suck. *knock wood*

I. Someone with actual talent at making AMVs needs to make one for On the Rise. With Lelouch singing Billy's part and Euphie singing Penny's.
I'M JUST SAYING.

II. My writerbrain refuses to function today, and I have no idea why. Halp. Maybe it's linked to how tired I seem to be getting lately. I think I'm not drinking enough water.
Really, though, I need to stop fretting about my work being inadequate and, you know, actually do the damn work in question.

III. Meme!
( Ten, Nine, Eight... Hey, you might learn something interesting about me. Maybe. )

IV. And finally, a snippet from That Semester Project, which I think I'm going to title Ardent because I'm a NERD like that. I love switching between iambic pentameter and prose for this, partially because of what the switches mean.

I think that's all of (moderate) importance. So, um, how are you guys? What kind of stuff are you working on? It is Monday night, and it is tradition that I talk to people instead of do homework.

(Don't tell anyone.)



It's got kissing. And Brandi Carlile. And sometimes I want that on cold wet Fridays. shush.

Other things of note:
* Am trying to balance working on play (which I might post excerpts of under flock just so everyone knows that yes, I am actually still writing) and working on memento mori with Suzaku's habit of hijacking my brain at inopportune moments. Honey, I love you and your crazy masochistic noodly self, but there are people in line ahead of you.
...not that you care. Sigh. Try to keep this one under 5k?

* So I'm reading Deadman Wonderland and, er. Um. *coughs* I will not say much because I don't want to spoil, but Senji. And the eye.
Needless to say, I'm sold.
I blame CLAMP? CLAMP and Sandman?

* I had this weird rash thing earlier in the week, and it's subsided now, but I'm still not sure what caused it. Either my razor or the laundry detergents my roommates use, I think. It itched like a motherfucker, though. Hopefully it won't trouble me again, and if it does I have hydrocortisone cream and Benadryl so I don't look like a hideous itchy red thing.
In better body news, I actually have biceps now! So I might not look like a total dork in Suzaku's flightsuit. (I know he's supposed to be a CLAMP noodleperson, but he's got to be at least a little built.)

* Birthday in a little over a week! Woo! I might actually have money again! I use a lot of exclamation points!

New feature, because I find this shit immensely entertaining:
research of the day: sources of fresh water in Japan, Orpheus and Eurydice, Under the Cherry Blossom Tree, Code Geass R2 Episode 2, treating tuberculosis
(No, it's not all for the same story.)

I know a lot of you guys are gearing up for NaNoWriMo, so here's an interesting piece of advice from founder Chris Baty via Smart Bitches, Trashy Books about a good organizational/thinky strategy while you're still in the prep stages.

Quoth Baty: “Before you sit down to write a novel, you make a list of everything you love to see in novels. When you write your own novel, you should put the stuff from your list in there. Then you should make a second list of everything you hate to see in novels. When you write your own novel, you should make sure none of the stuff from that second list creeps in when you’re tired.”

Quoth me: "...ooh. You know, I've never thought about it from that angle before. And that applies to fanfic, too, not just to novels."

So here's ( my list: )

...and I could go on, but I'm getting really wordy. Ahem.

Anyway! What things do you love in stories? What things do you hate? Do you write the kinds of plots you love to read or view? Talk to me, guys. :D

Headaches + cramps = I hate you, body. I hate you so much.

So there was a meme going around a while back where you posted the first sentences from the last twenty-five fics you wrote and drew some conclusions about your work at the end of it all. I -- went overboard with it, probably, but I felt like meta-ing tonight.

Generalizations: I like establishing conflict right off the bat; I like providing a sense of evident discomfort; I play with repetition and redefinition a lot; when I start with short sentences, I go back and elaborate on them in the sentences following the initial one; I like to start things out with dialogue in shorter pieces so I can get right into the action.

The longer version is under the cut, and I've provided handy links to all the fics in question. Fandoms represented: Code Geass, Tokyo Babylon/X, Yami no Matsuei, Baccano!, The Sandman, Digital Devil Saga, Battlestar Galactica, Death Note, Persona 3.

( I have a deer. It is teal. Also, I talk a LOT about the various things I try to establish with first sentences. )

Off to New York this weekend, which I anticipate. Highly. Will work feverishly on x2009 entry, memento mori, and maybe some of the Geass plotbunnies in the upcoming week. Let's see how productive I can be.

At the rate I'm going, third chapter of memento mori will be out either Wednesday or Thursday. *KNOCKS ON WOOD. A LOT* After that, I think I should be able to post chapters weekly or biweekly, since I'm getting used to school again and since my shoulder's actually healing.

There are also -- three or so? -- half-finished fics sitting on my hard drive. (Well, three that I think have the most potential.) Am torn about which one I should finish first:
* Ledger's Joker and "Mack the Knife." Not the Sinatra version. *grins*
* Kallen beats the living hell out of Suzaku. Suzaku likes it. And by likes it, I mean. Bonus aftercare with Lloyd!
* The one in which I attempt to (in part) answer the question, "What makes Minato's head tick?" Answer: second-person PoV, and that kid is a creepy little fuck. But I like him.
Your thoughts on the matter are, as always, highly appreciated. :D

And then there's x2009 and livelongnmarry and -- I have too many ideas. And not enough time.

So while I'm writing and letting a meta-post percolate about people's first introductions to and experiences in fandom, and how that's shaped things for them, here's something that I believe I swiped from etrangere. (The timing of this one seems about right, since it seems like people seem to be shopping around for new fandoms?)

Give me three things you like: could be a medium, could be character types, kinds of settings, themes or any other kind of tropes you can think of; and I'll rec you a work. (And I promise every rec won't be for The Stratford Man. Really.)

Playing isn't necessary, of course, but -- well, I have read approximately a metric fuckton of books. :D I'm sure I've stumbled across something someone will like.

So my writerbrain is -- stopped up lately. Part of it's school taking its toll, part of it is other stress, part of it is probably me putting too much pressure on myself to be productive and then sinking into an abyss of I Am A Failure And I Suck because I can't meet my own (unrealistic) deadlines.

Aaaanyway.

This is an open call for prompts. I'm kind of stealing from laylah here: no cutoff number, anyone who wants to can throw stuff at me, and you can leave as many prompts as you want. I'm leaving this completely open, really -- any fandom I've written for or any fandom you think I should be writing for, any characters, and any tone or genre. I'll do as many as I get inspired for, and they'll be however long they want to be.

The sole requirement: a character or pairing, and a hook. A phrase, a kink, a quote, a plotbunny, a what-if.

A caveat or two: I think you guys have a fairly good sense of what characters and pairings I really dislike and what elements in fic I tend to avoid -- if you're not sure, ask me. At this point, I'm probably not going to be interested in revisiting characters or fandoms I've burned out on -- again, if you're not sure, ask me.

This post will remain open for a damn long time -- it's probably going to go up as a header or a link on the side of my journal or something akin to that.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, considering what I've been writing.

In a nutshell, how do you strip away the erotic component of a sex scene without making it thoroughly unappealing?

Because I'm not sure that I have the answer.

( Read more... )

This is where I open the floor up to you, because I want to hear your thoughts on this. How do you, or how would you, make a sex scene both appealing and unappealing? How do you disturb without disgusting? Do you go for alienation or brutality? (BRECHT VS. ARTAUD baby -- I'll shut up now. Really.) Is there a third option? Can you think of any fics (or works of fiction) where something like this has worked -- or not worked? Just tell me what you guys think, and hopefully interesting things will happen. :D

I have two things left for kinkfest: Seishirou/Subaru for the twenty-third, which is late (but I have it on good authority that the prompter doesn't mind), and which I expect to write because it will let me use Seishirou's voice and I expect that to be a stylistic shift but a fun one, and Hisoka/Tsuzuki for the twenty-eighth, which I expect to write because I like those two and through work on The Epic, am finding that their dynamic speaks to me. A lot.

And after that? I'm done with challenges for a good long while. I have discovered that I don't need external stimulus to write things -- or if I do, that said stimulus doesn't come in the form of challenge prompts. Challengework just doesn't feel organic to me anymore, I guess. Looking back at the kinkfest list, fully half of which I didn't end up doing, I can see why certain prompts pinged me but not why they had to be written, why any of it needed to be said. I wrote two fics for kinkfest that are, in my opinion, two of the best things I've written using this handle -- Etymology and But Then I Shall Know... -- and I think that's a good note to end on.

This doesn't mean that I won't be writing fic anymore. On the contrary, dear Watson. *grin* I've discovered that I have the stamina and the patience and the plotting ability to do longer things. And I'm liking that discovery. I'm liking it a lot.

So what do I want to do?

( This, primarily. )

When will all this be done? Don't know. Some of it has deadlines, some of it doesn't. But I'm going to work on what compels, and right now I have a lot of things that compel. And they're my things. It feels good to know that I have stories of my own to tell.

Sorry things have been slow on the LJ/IJ front lately -- my relatives from Chicago have been visiting, so there's a lot of fic I haven't read and a lot of comments I haven't answered. I'll get around to it, though! Really!

Might be fic up later today (I really really hope there will be fic up later today), but in lieu of that for now:

Dear Roland,
Look, you know I love you. And we both know you have great facility with words. But for the love of Meganada, shut up, man. The fic is three days overdue, over 5000 words, and you're still talking. Just fuck Argilla Greg whomever and get it over with. Seriously.

Dear Subaru,
I should probably apologize for everything I've done to you and am going to do to you. But I'm not actually sorry. Ahem. And play nice with the shinigami.

Dear Hisoka and Tsuzuki,
What? Don't look at me like that. You guys get a hopeful ending.

Dear Claire,
I'm glad you're having the time of your life, sweetie, even if you don't entirely get the eye thing. Just remember to shower sometime after you and the Corinthian finish up, okay?

Dear Fuuma,
Have fun wearing the Angel-hat. At least you won't combust in the sun, right? And no, you can't save people from themselves, dear, that's the point.

Dear twins,
Sevien's right, the Nightmare Man won't hurt you. Much. Well, not physically. Mostly. Ehehe. Good hunting, though.

Mith and I have had a few conversations about this, and I sort of wanted to see if it's true for other writers, too; I suspect it is, but I'm really interested in hearing from people. Also -- and I really want to stress this -- the point of this post isn't to complain but to wonder, so if the tone comes off as whiny, I apologize, as that wasn't my intent.

Enough with the disclaimers. What am I going on about, anyway?

I've noticed -- and as I said above, I suspect I'm not the only one -- that the stories I've gotten the best reception for generally aren't the stories I'm most satisfied with. And that interests me, because it says a lot about the type of stories that really satisfy me, as opposed to the types of stories that might satisfy the people who read me.

I've written more fic than I ever though myself capable of writing since I rejoined fandom about -- holy shit, it's really been over a year. Of the stories I've written since then, because we shall not speak about the things I wrote during my Harry Potter days in high school, my favorite fics are undoubtedly Old Gods, a Gabranth-centric tale of broken faith and redemption denied, and Quintessence of Dust, where Roland lectures Argilla on Hamlet and in the process reveals himself. They're both het_challenge fics (I really do think that h_c sees a lot of my best output, when I think back on it), but in both fics the pairing isn't really the point; I tend to think of them as gen with het on the side. The focus on both is on character exploration, on the use of past texts to illuminate the present situation, on redemption denied and on falling (hell, on tragedy), on things forgotten and remembered. They're heavy on the meta, heavy on the Puel-being-a-highfalutin'-litgeek, and both in the end suggest that we are defined not by our thoughts and words but by our actions. (Why yes, I am something of an existentialist.)

My most popular story, if one accounts for the reviews I've gotten over at FF.net, is Tour of Duty, which is a bittersweet Zack/Aeris fic I wrote about a year ago. It's not a bad story. By my standards, it's cute, though there's the obligatory pulling-of-heartstrings, which you kind of have to do with that pairing, anyway. I think I balanced humor and poignancy pretty well in it, and writing Zack has always been easy for me. But -- oh lord, this is going to sound pretentious -- is it a testament to my skill as a writer on the same level as the other two? I don't think so, not because this story intrinsically has less worth but because I personally don't find it as satisfying.

So what do I find satisfying? What is it that I want to accomplish as a writer? What kind of stories do I really want to tell?

I'm an actress. (Obviously.) Much of my writing is shamelessly theatrical. I need to have conflict, preferably in the form of two or more characters at cross-purposes, with the plot unfolding from what they do to get what they want, and how they adapt to the challenges the other people in the story pose. I draw on previously existing works and conventions and interpret them as best I can (which is, I think, what draws me to fanfic in the first place; canon is a script to me, and while I won't really ever change the lines or the structure, I'll fill in the motivations and the subtext and the backstory as best I can, the way any performer has to, but I think that's another essay), I play with language, I keep my third-person tight, I coordinate action and dialogue and spectacle, I layer in multiple perspectives and symbols and meanings, and I have a degree of self-awareness about it all. Hence why so much of my stuff acknowledges or addresses artifice, I guess. These trends are, if anything, even more evident in my original work, especially Bandiverse. (Sevien. Just -- Sevien.) So the fics of mine I like most, I think, provide a cohesive and compelling view of characters and of the worlds they inhabit. They're backed up by a solid interpretation, they say something about the characters that hasn't been said or has only been alluded to in the text, and they -- mean something sounds vague, but I think it goes back to the philosophy I discussed earlier about action ultimately carrying more weight than thought. Perhaps it's more accurate, then, to say I prefer my fics that go somewhere, that depict an event as fully as possible, that give characters room to do things and maybe even grow.

Not all my stories live up to that, of course. And what I describe isn't the only way to tell stories. Far from it. But I think it's the way that satisfies me most. Given the kind of feedback I've gotten, though, I'm not sure if my audience/readers/what have you follow the same philosophy, not that I'd necessarily expect them to.

So talk to me. What kind of stories satisfy you the most? What kind of stories seem to satisfy your readers? Is there a difference, and what might that mean?

( Cut for rambling about challenges, my writing process, and other things )

OKAY. Enough writing tl;dr, it's meme time.

Give me a pairing, and I will give you a few sentences from the first time that the characters in question had sex. I reserve the right to ask you for a different pairing if I really can't do the one in question (hint: don't ask for pairings like Vayne/Drace or Kara/Lee), or if I've already written a first-time sex scene for that couple. Preferred fandoms now are Baccano!, Battlestar Galactica, DDS, Doctor Who, FFIV/VI/VII/XII, Firefly, Persona 3, and Tokyo Babylon/X, though I will entertain others.

Hopefully this will be fun. Please don't try to break my brain with this -- I don't think you guys will, but it's worth mentioning.

no_true_pair: Progressing. Think there will be two or three things for it this week, then a break for week three, then a flood of fic during week four. Ladd/Lua progresses and keeps itself to reasonable lengths, I hope. Heat/Jenna/Sera is wrong wrong wrong but then again, it's Heat/Jenna/Sera.

porn_battle: Accepting prompts for round four! There are at least eight that I think I absolutely must write (and at least half of those eight are Mith's, but that's not entirely surprising). So go! Leave things! Check it out! Tell me if you want me to bait you!

memento mori (X/YnM crossover of doooom): Is going to be the longest fic I've written since my Harry Potter days. Hooo boy. I'm excited, though. It is twisted and filled with sharp broken edges and wrong and I'm having a blast writing it.

The Showcase: Also progresses. Still hate myself a little for High School Musical. Might have to take pictures of myself in TB!Subaru cosplay exorcising the score. (But the evil will be too much for poor innocent onmyouji, and Seishirou might have to intervene, which raises the question of how Sakurazukamori kill musicals.) Also, watching me try to do hip-hop is hilarious.

Starbucks: Might hire me. *knock on wood*

Pittsburgh: Is less humid than Baltimore, which is good. And the heat wave appears to have broken, which is also good. There are many many bridges, and tons of wonderful stores, or at least there are near Mith's apartment.

Mith: Is love and light and wonder and everything good in the world~~~

Life: is FUCKING AWESOME right now.